having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
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The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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