Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
