She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
