i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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