People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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