no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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