Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
