Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Still dying that you shit outside
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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