I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
