you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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