Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
