I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Small penises have feelings too.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
