Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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