He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
