Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
