Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
