you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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