the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
