Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
