He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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