drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
