There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
