I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
