just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
