whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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