I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i think i just lost a toe
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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