she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
