i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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