i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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