We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
