I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
