I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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