My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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