There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
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I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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