a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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