I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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