Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
