you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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