my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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