I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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