did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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