my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
