dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it hurts more in the daytime
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
