I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
