Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what day is it and did you see me today?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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