my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
