you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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