Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
