you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
