im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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