That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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