i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
