What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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