How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
