i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
