I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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