it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
