in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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