yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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