I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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